How This Mama Got Her Groove Back, All By Myself

by Linda, Outrunning the Storm

I’ve known I’ve needed it for a long time. But, it seemed so self-indulgent. It seemed like too much to ask for. But, it’s stayed there, circling around the back of my mind, like a far off fantasy.

But, lately things have been different.  Charlie has been doing great. The crisis in our lives is over for now.  It’s time to move on. It’s time for life to get back to normal. It’s just that I haven’t been able to do that. I can’t seem to stop waiting for the next problem to come along. I’m staying in crisis mode. I’m not looking ahead. I am certainly not relaxing.

But, last week, for no reason in particular, something just finally clicked for me. I knew it was time to switch gears. I knew it was time to let go of my constant vigilance and learn to relax again and enjoy the peace. And I knew just what I needed to get there.

So, I went online and I booked a weekend at a local spa hotel. I booked the romance package. The kind that comes with a couple of spa treatments included, plus some champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and a cheese plate in your room upon arrival.

I was giddy with excitement all week, just waiting for the weekend to come. I put aside some meals in the fridge, I cleaned the house, I rounded up family support for the weekend, all with a smile on my face.

Then Friday afternoon came, I packed my bags, kissed the boys good bye, spent a half an hour talking Charlie back into the house after he seat belted himself in the car in an attempt to go too. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to come, it was going to be pretty cool.

Finally, I kissed The Professor good bye and headed off for my romantic spa weekend

ALL

BY

MY

SELF

{sigh of  relaxation}

It was incredible. I put on my giant fleece pants, I lounged in my king size bed eating my cheese and strawberries and drinking my champagne. I watched cheesy movies, I got two separate massages. I napped, oh how I napped.

And then I wrote. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.

Not for the blog. Not for anything really. None of it will ever see the light of day. But, it got me to peak out of my bunker. I can accept that it’s time to start to invite friends over to our home again without worrying about Charlie. It’s time to start meeting friends for lunch again without worrying about the school calling.

There is no longer a crisis holding me back. It’s just me and my fear.

But, me not living my life, not taking what I need when the times are good, doesn’t help Charlie if he starts having trouble again.

It just depletes me, drip by drip, of being the whole human being I deserve to be.

**********

Linda is the mother of 5 year old twin boys, one who is on the autism spectrum and one who is not.  She writes a personal blog at Outrunning the Storm and was instrumental in starting the Autism Positivity Day Flash Blog. Her journeys are crazy, maddening, hilarious, and painful just trying to stay one step ahead of the storm.

This post was originally published HERE and used with permission.