by Annie from Simple. IJustDo.
I enjoy writing. Always have. I took a creative writing course in college and had a great deal of fun, especially with poetry. Fun does not necessarily translate into good, so I apologize in advance. I’m not the type to subject my poetry on others, but when I ran across this poem that I must have written in a desperate moment, I’m guessing about three years ago (based on the Wubbzy reference), I thought it might resonate with others going through similar desperate moments.
Autism
Short
definition:
A neurological disorder…
Long
definition:
Something not quite
right. Speech delay
Speech therapy, Occupational
therapy (hypersensitive, hyposensitive,
Gross motor – Gross like large not like
yucky, fine motor) From flashcards
to reading two years ahead
Obsess, obsess, Obsession
for months (Pizza rolls every single
night for dinner) (Wubbzy AGAIN?)
laughing, joking, never gets
old. Still no empathy.
Logical, linear, Spock-like, must
follow the rules, follow the law, follow the
schedule. No deviation, no changes, no
surprises, no fire drills or we derail.
anticipate, anticipate, anticipate
lay the clothes out, take the meds, follow the
schedule. Nothing dirty, no holes, no stains,
hide the clothes when they get too small. Still
might come back to bite you,
kick you, pull your hair, scream, cry, lie
down in the middle of the aisle
suffer the stares, the whispers, the grandma shaking her head, “Mm, mm, mm.”
(must learn that Vulcan death grip – what happens
when he gets bigger?)
What happens next? One day
One day at a time, one day
one day
Breathe, exhale and relax.
**********
Annie blogs at SimpleIJustDo.com: “I’m a single mom, He’s a special needs kid… Musings on the answer to the question, ‘How do you do it?’” She is “Mom” to a 10 year old boy with autism, and also a teacher, daughter, girlfriend, friend, and a whole bunch of other roles that make life a little more complicated, but enjoyable.
This post was originally published HERE and used with permission.
Your poem was incredibly expressive and had so much information all rolled up into one short story….. I would be interested to know, does autism still feel like this to you? Thank you for sharing.
There are good days and bad days. I have to say that it does feel like this on the bad days, usually in the moments of self-doubt and self-recrimination following a particularly nasty meltdown. As The Boy gets older, the challenges change – certain things get easier, other things become more difficult. It is still easy to get overwhelmed, but there are also more amazing moments, more moments of which to be extremely proud.
That was very powerful, Annie. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your support, Kristin!